| wanna be an actress eh?? |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|09:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  arrgh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Whats going on...lots of ppl | ] |
yes yes yes yes yes.. I... me.. myself... yes IIIII would like to be an actress when i get out of school... very interested indeed.. looooove to act.. tommorow have a school play, and i am nervous?? no no not because of the ppl.. well ok a tinnnnny tiny bit because its in front of the whole school but no.. my MAIN reason for being nervous is because today at dress rehearsal my friend video taped us and yes i was so extremely over exaggerated in everything i did.. i looked like a fool... well i think i did... i dunoo maybe it was just me .. like when u hear a recording of your voice and just want to drop dead maybe this is a similar thing... but u know i dont knoww... soooo w.e i tell myself not to worrie.. just do it!! get out and act!!... if they think u are bad or strange or wat not... they can all go fuck themselves... hmmm i feel better now... |
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| just thinking.... |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|09:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | carol of the bells | ] |
wow while reading rachaels entry i just had to add that part of the song in my entry.. cause it was in my msn name b4 as well b.c it is just so i dunno deep and such a great line of a song... an amazing song... "we're all to blame, we've gone to far from pride to shame, were hopelessly blissful and blind to all we r we wanted all with no sacrifice...." intense song... but anyways... wow i am always constantly thinking with 50 billion thoughts going through my head per second, like when im at work its like i think of like 50 things at the same time theres just so much, even little things either good or bad... decisions to be made... plans to make... and when i make plans for myself to do i get so anxious man like i said before i am always so damn anxious for sumthing always.. i am so tired right now its inconseveable, like i get up at 7 get ready for school as quickly as i possibly can then go to school learnn...learn... get in trouble... get pissed off.... get stressed out.. come home and try to watch passions but end up falling asleep on the couch... rushingly get ready for work, go to work, (fucked up boring work) get home sumtimes eat... have shower.. do h.w until god knows when then go on msn... the msn always seems so needlesly pointless because it takes up early sleeping time... but u use it as a social agenda, riiiidiculous... so u wanna go on.... sooo much to think about! friends... h.w...failing grades of 48% at midterm for anthro/psych/soc class.. parents reaction to mark.... work.... money in bank.. shopping.. wardrobe, enough clothes?? acceptable???? BOYSSS...stupid messing with your head boys... not men.. stupid boys.... parents ohh lord the lovely parents... being sickk... alllways being sick....hygene... keep it clean, oh pllllease keep yourself clean... f*ing uniform, results in laundry,,, looking good..on makeup and doing hair.. all takes time.. try to remember retainer at night, fuck up teeth without wearing+ mopre trips to orthodontist, resulting in more money spent by parents= pissed off parents=........anxious feeling of wat r u going to do this weekend??? and when u know wat u wanna do will your parents let u,, will they give u a fucked up curfew for this night yet amazing one for another.. they dont make any sense.... every other week at moms then at dads... dads moms dads moms dads moms.. gets confusing,,, annoying... divorces r stupid yet so very perfectly understandable... resulting in stepmothers... nice ones, yet wanna kill once acting like real mom... wanna call stupid bitch ass hoe but end up leaving idea in head, no more bad curfews thank u very much....chores, cleaaaaannnnnninnnng.... time consuming.... ohhh yes problems alllllll around problems all sorts of tons of other problems... juuuust thinking... so many dammmn things to think about.... the snow started this mornign, i wish it would continue, it makes me happy, it gives me the feel of christmas, i like christmas,,,, no i love christmas and the whole season that comes along with it.. gives me memories... but yes juuuuuuuuust thinking to much to think of.... hmmm now i have christmas on my head like thers no tommorow... im singing carol of the bells in my head yet its being done in a full out choir in a church...(memories of home alone movie number one) i love that....christmas is here bringing good cheer to weak and bold young and the old.... its only november but i love christmas... hmm im gunna continue singing and talking on msn. and waiting for sumone, and thinking of how much i would enjoy eating bubble gum icecream if i only had it....... iiiimmm just thinking... |
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| ha |
[Nov. 5th, 2004|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | california-O.C | ] |
after the worring and of course italked to him.. and no rachael i dont like usuing names on here its to personal and not as interesting... even though i just said your name but anyways yea so um yea talked to him and told him how i felt and such and it is deffffinetly all good.... so anywyas now im just anxious for sumthign to happen see wat works out or wat doesnt... but anyways cray shit going down right here! but umm anyways weekend sounds like it'll go pretty good... tommorow night probably goin out to dinner with my buddy he said he knew a good place to go then saturday have work till 1 then go chill with ,(hopefully) its a maybe... the new one ohhh wow... um im so giddy its digusting! well hopefully can also see the saw on sunday! looks so intensly good! wow i am so impressed by the previews craazy and whenever that new one comes out about that little girl who blames everything on her imaginary friend.. like really bad stuff like hurting ppl and such!! how exciting well im off for now... |
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| so annoyed... with myself |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|02:24 pm] |
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I dont understand why we sumtimes say things but then two seconds later we completely regret them... the guy i like tells me he likes me.. wat do u think u would usually do?? tell them you liek them back obviously but no instead when he says i like you i want to get to know you better i say..."thats a surprise" that sounds like a compklete joke!!! that is so awful .. then he says how so? and i say i dont know ive just never really noticed it before, so he says well i guess i havent really showed it b4...akward silence takes place then i nervously say "soo" thinking we will get into this conversation in hopefully more depth but instead of that happening he says to me i have to go noe ttyl.... he was probably so insanely embaressed, and obviouslyu i cant blame him i would feel like i was just thrown t othe ground like nuthing... and i clearly didnt want him to get that impression.. he proabbly thinks that i hav e no interest wat so ever.. so then i try to make myself feel better by saying u can talk to him today so when the chance for this arises i end up walking by him and not saying anything.. why? oh because i was to emabressed but finally i get the courage to say sumthign at lunch so i call out his name and he doesnt hear me and walks out of the cafetera.. hmmmm so then ok ill tell him later i say.. i coem online and hes right when i go to talk to him he gets off... its liek im never gunna get to tell him.. i obviously will but the time i have to wait is excruciating.. it really shouldnt be but for some really stupid reason it is... well in the end things will hopefully work out.. all i can do is wait... |
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